We Are All Dying, Why Waste the Art?

Lindsay Muscato (Inside Fighter and the Managing Director of the Neo-Futurists) sent me this quote, saying that it made her think of me:

"Ultimately, I aspire to write stuff that takes into account the fact that we are all dying. So there's no time to be bloatedly intellectual, no time to be Merely Clever, no time to be stupid, or programmatic, or cloying." -- George Saunders, The Believer magazine

An interesting take.

"Taking into account that we are all dying" so the art is not to be wasted on bullshit.

• Jen & I recently watched Jackass 2 on On Demand. Rebar and I went when it was released (mostly because we had, on a whim, gone to see the first one together). These cats aren't making art - that's certainly not my point - but in a Fight Club sort of way, they are embracing the idea that we are all dying anyway and go for the thrills that make them feel alive. I find that oddly inspiring but not in a "I'm going to go out and hurt myself for fun" sort of way - more in a "sometimes I need to take a larger bite out of the ass of life" point of view.

• Years ago, in Chicago, a young woman was walking down Wabash with her three-year old in tow. A plate glass window from the 29th floor of the CNR building came loose and, like a large feather, floated down at a high rate of speed and decapitated her on the street.

I often (really) wonder what she was thinking about just before it happened. It wasn't like she was a cancer or AIDS patient with time to reflect, or a soldier staring death in the face all the time in the field, or even the victim of a car accident that has at least a moment of "Oh Shit!" to counter the standard disregard for the appreciation of life. Death took her before she even had time to react.

What was she thinking about? Bills? Rent? A petty squabble with someone? The shitty CTA service?

• Once in a while, I think to myself after a show I've been involved in - what if this as the last thing I ever get to do onstage? Conceding some sort of afterlife and reflection upon the sum total of my life's parts, would I be happy that this was the last theater that I chose to be a part of?

For that matter, I think (not all the time - I'm not Woody Allen) the same thing when I see a show I'm not involved in. What if this was the last piece of theater I'm ever going to see? Perhaps that is why I have such a low tolerance for the "bloatedly intellectual, the Merely Clever, the stupid, or programmatic, or cloying."

Yes, life is filled with a constant flood of things to do that provide obstacles to this sort of reflection - how can I spend every waking moment playing the carpe diem game with my time? I have laundry and bills and family obligations and what to eat for dinner and getting my shirts dry cleaned and (now) going to the gym and mindless TV and books I haven't had time to read and it's cold/hot/raining/windy outside and where's that fucking check and why does the garbage can smell funny and man, I gotta pee now! to think about. When can I find the time, where is the place for me to hide from all of this and legitimately think these heady philosophical thoughts that separate me from the rest of the mammals on the planet?

The theater. That's when. That's where.

The theater is an opportunity to cast away all of that to take a moment to reflect and experience, to laugh and learn and breathe. In a recent debate about why people go to theater (to merely pursue pleasure - have a good time - or something more) I realized that I go to theater for the same reason I read books. Entertainment is a gateway for more substance, to be sure, and must be present for any of it to work, but I read books to learn something - about the world, about myself, and myself in the world.

When I go see theater and it is entertaining but has nothing else for me to know, to learn, to absorb, I feel cheated in some way. Not cheated of money, but of time. Cheated of my opportunity to forget about my laundry and expand.

I aspire to create stuff that takes into account that life is filled with bullshit that gets in the way of growth and meaning in the short time each of us has. So there's no time to merely divert the audience's attention from this bullshit and fill that moment with empty calories. The time is sacred and it is vital for me to take into serious consideration that what I create and display may be the last thing an audience member sees.

Anything short of that effort is pushing narcotics or providing a hand job. Both provide an escape but both leave one in exactly the same state as before the drug or the sex - no change, no growth, and thus a complete waste of the few remaining moments of a life.