THE LIFE OF AN ACTOR(?)

SHOW: KING

Last night, just before the final tech (of 3), Michael pulled me aside to have a brief "can you make sure you do the lines from my play?" chat. He felt that the cast was taking my periodic "dicking around with my lines" (my phrase, not his) as cue for them to do likewise. I suddenly realized that as the veteren actor in the production, perhaps my performance was, indeed, having a bit more influence on the show than I thought. To test the theory, I not only took the note to heart and did the show as straight as possible, I also supercharged my tempo - sure enough, the pace of the show fairly clipped along. Angie (the producer and a performer in the show) was enthusiastic as she told me that "you really kicked up the pace tonight - it really got everyone else to go faster!"

LESSON: Do not under estimate your influence on the whole of the show, regardless of the size of your role.

AUDITION: MCKINLEY DOCUMENTARY FOR THE HISTORY CHANNEL

Danielle Hoetmer sent me a casting call notice for this last week. Given that I didn't look like any of the priniple characters, I called to come in for an EXTRA role (hey - it's some cash, right?).

They asked that I wear something from the period - so I wore a suit (?). I didn't have a headshot - probably because the last time I took a headshot and reproduced them was in 1992. It was at Claire Simon Casting. The sign on the door asked for entrants to turn off their cell phones "to preserve the salon like atmosphere (What the fuck? Morgue-like atmosphere is more "like" it!). I filled out a size card, chatted with Circus•Szelewski (a DADAist from way back and a super talented dude in general), ran into Joe Canale and Brian Galivan (IO and Second City actors), and in general felt more at ease at one these cattle call things than I remember.

I used to hate these things in the same way that hate actor parties - bunch of people, sitting around, trying to boost their own confidence in a vacuum created by a room full of people doing the same. I've always felt out of place at these things, so I would compensate by talking cynically about acting in front of everyone. Not this time, though. I felt at ease and was slightly amused by the four or five older gentlemen absolutely decked out to resemble McKinley, pacing around the room.

When they finally got me, the guy taking digital pictures asked if anyone had told me that I looked like Theodore Roosevelt. I replied that, yeah, I'd heard that. He went in to the other room, got on the phone, talked with a couple of others about my TR resemblance, then had me go in, do the EXTRA audition (state name, profiles, state name for video) and read a couple of lines from the McKinley script. Who knows - I'm sure being Teddy will pay more than being "fat citizen #4".

TO DO

Working on 'degenerate Art" today (that's a play I'm writing for WNEP), tweaking the D-Ray Talent site, and doing some PitBull PR stuff. Tonight we preview "The King's Proposal". I miss my freaking wife - she has rehearsals all this and last week for The Midnight Hellhouse so we've been two ships passing all week.

GOOD VIBES

THE KING'S PROPOSAL

Second tech of three - tomorrow is the last tech then two previews - was goofy as shit. This was in part because A) we didn't start the run (of the nearly two hour production) until 11:05PM, B) some of the cast were drinking during the rehearsal and C) we're all getting a bit more comfortable with both each other and the piece.

Aside from the drinking (which really annoys the shit out of me all the way around), it was a fun two and half hours. As par for the course, my improvising of certain lines has Michael a bit worried that I won't stick to the script - which, truth be told, is a realistic concern. I'll do my level best, though.

Performing in a show that I'm not producing (or even more specifically, isn't a WNEP Theater production) is all about learning how it feels to be in a show - sitting backstage, dicking around, helping each other out, you know - doing theater. All in all, the CIC experience has been good (I wish I liked the play as much as I do the cast, but you can't have it all).

D-Ray Talent

I still have some tweaking to do on the site, but I'm really very happy about the look - love the logo, and the site is clean and easy to navigate. I'll tweak this week and begin shoving it out into the world next week. Rock and Roll!

COOL STUFF TO ANNOUNCE

Holy Crap! Lotsa cool stuff! I have three cool things to announce:

-and-

-and-

has now officially launched! Go to D-Ray Talent

NO LONGER A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY

There was a time in my life where I was a highly social animal. I could go to any gathering of people and find people I was interested in talking to, hanging out with - y'know - socializing. I would get some beers and chat up the room - the conversation could be about anything - hell, I was even a master of banal small talk!

No longer.

Rich Prouty (from IO and CSz) asked me to come as a guest celebrity for The Improv Match Game this evening (Mondays at 10:30PM at IO). It sounded like fun and it's always an ego stroke to be asked to come as a celebrity (whether or not I am one is not really the point). I knew some of the folks - ran into Tony Rielage before the show (I was, as I often am, early). He and I discussed the theater scene some. I was on a panel with Joey Bland (I met him at CSz briefly), a very funny woman from Boom Chicago named Heather, Jeff Griggs, Jason Chin, and Noah Gregopulous.

I felt a bit like the guy with the awful goiter on his neck that folks were polite to, but really had nothing in common with. SIDENOTE: I did get a very warm welcome from both Susan Messing and Joe Bill, which was rather nice. Other than the standard "So. What are you guys up to" crap, I had nothing to say - nor was I terribly interested in what anyone else had to say.

Long story short - the show was fun, the panel was funny, I had a good time, Rich asked me to come back. No desire to stay after and hang out, though. No one to talk to that I was interested in chatting with. Took a cab home immediately after.

I wonder what happened to me that turned off that social butterfly mode?

MISCELLANEOUS

WNEP

Had our morning meeting today. It was a small but intense group (Abbie, Paul, Jen, Rebar, and me) and we talked about the attempt to bring in more of the college crowd and general marketing for all our shows and events. It was good and we came up with some great stuff. It's good putting this kind of stuff out there - it'll make us a better, more efficient theater and move us in an upward direction. Dig it!

KING'S PROPOSAL

Things are tightening up - the overall performances are finding some nuance - in general, a pretty good time. Tonight, we had a number in the cast get ill and either not come to rehearsal or get sick at rehearsal. Hopefully they'll take Monday and recover.

Michael seems to be having a good time, which is nice. Directing your own words onstage can be a harrowing experience and he's doing a great job with it. Candy Lawrence (she played Blanche Dubois in "GOD" that I directed for CIC last year) has a bit role in the show and is, aside from my wife, consistently the funniest female I've ever seen. Big tech week coming up - then we crack out the shows.

'nuff said.

THE QUIET BEFORE THE STORM

Nothing exciting or interesting going on in my world the past few days - job hunting, paperwork for WNEP, doing some PitBull PR for a couple of groups.

With WNEP slowing down, it has allowed me some relax time - reading, doing the CIC play, watching the third season of '24' on DVD. I'm already gearing up for some pretty ambitious projects soon, but for now? Yeah - I'm a bum.

IT AIN'T FUNNY TO ME, BUT...

KING'S PROPOSAL

Well, it turns out that I (mostly) have retained the ability to memorize lines. My tendency to paraphrase is a bit overwhelming, but thus far I'm getting the general points of each scene.

It's been an interesting experience so far. The folks in the cast are uniformly nice and funny. Everyone has a slightly different approach to rehearsing and Michael is doing a fine job shaping the cast into a cast. It is also apparent that the "Mel Brooks meets Monty Python" style of the script is NOT uniformly funny to the members of the cast - so far, though, everyone seems to be giving it 100%. The performance styles range from the "I'll shriek my lines because camp is easier" approach to the "I'm burning through this as fast as I can" approach and it seems that most are merely looking out for themselves in terms of the humor (the"At least I'll be funny" approach).

In an after rehearsal conversation I had last night, one of the actors was in a "dish on the play" mood. My response was (and is) that regardless of how we feel personally about the humor of the piece, it is our job as individual actors to make each other and Michael shine. My personal sense of humor avoids the jokiness and is generally much darker, but I've been around the block enough to know that the play will appeal to audiences that go to see comedy at a place called "The CORNservatory" and that those folks will be paying money and spending their time coming to see the show. It is my obligation to work within Michael's vision and deliver a performance that he finds funny.

As for my performance thus far, I'm unsure if Michael is digging what I'm bringing to the table or not. The majority of his notes are for me to go faster (which I do - it inhibits some of the interpretation but I know is necessary) and my paraphrasing drives him nuts. I'm looking forward to some concentrated rehearsal time (several nights in a row) leading up to tech - things'll gel a bit more.

INTERESTING CONVERSATION

Today I was calling a local theater critic to confirm her reservation for RANDOM ACTS OF SILLY, a show I'm doing press for, when she asked me why WNEP wasn't doing anything this Fall.

ME: Well, we finally got the production train slowed down and are taking the Fall to organize ourselves some, focus our artistic mission, and work on some marketing and audience development strategies.

HER: Not a bad idea. If you don't mind me saying, you should go back to doing smarter shows.

ME: Uh..excuse me?

HER: You guys used to do some really smart stuff - that silent, musical thing -

ME: Crosscurrents.

HER: Yeah. And the death improv thing -

ME: Postmortem.

HER: That's the one. Even that piece about the dogs that were -

ME: Lives of the Monster Dogs.

HER: uh..yeah. If you guys had taken a little more time on the script, that one would've put you right up there. Now you do that Gong Show and the Sick Stories thing -

ME: We..er...also just did "Let There Be Light..!" and "Soiree DADA: Neue Weltaffen" - both got Critic's Choices from the Reader and both did really well in New York.

HER: Oh, yeah? I think I heard that somewhere - did you send me a release on those shows?

ME: Yes I did.

HER: Well, my point is, do more of that kind of stuff. WNEP is better than that junk.


Yes. Yes, we are.

WHY 'THE GONG SHOW' HAS BECOME A THORN IN MY SIDE

IT WAS YOUR IDEA, WASN'T IT?

Yes. Sharko and I came up with the idea for WNEP to do a live version of "The Gong Show'. At first, we did it weekly, as a way to fill our Saturday night at midnight slot during the 3209 era. It brought in some extra dough, was fun, and was relatively easy to put up. At first Ted produced it.

We decided after a year that it was better as a once a month show, so I came up with 'The Around Midnite Series'. AMS was created to showcase four different shows that accomplished the same thing as TGS - bring in some extra revenue, be fun, and had low production expense. Cholley took over producing for a year and then Amanda took it on and in her two years TGS became a staple of WNEP's visibility.

SO, WHY THE BUG UP YOUR ASS NOW?

Let me be clear - it's a fun show. I've always liked the show. I still like the show. There are, however, two residual effects TGS has had on WNEP's long term artistic output.

First, in the effort to court an audience with a bit more money and influence on those who donate and grant, having TGS in a higher profile than productions like "Let There Be Light...!" for example cuts our financial throat. For the little bit of extra money TGS can bring in, the message sent to any in the general public is confusing. Confusing marketing is a death knell. WNEP is supposed to stand for "What No one Else Produces" - at this point, with variety shows, live game shows, burlesque shows everywhere you see in Chicago, TGS and shows from the AMS are shows that EVERYBODY produces. WNEP is supposed to stand for smart, innovative theater - nothing smart and innovative about a bunch of idiots performing to be gonged or win a novelty prize.

WNEP: Hey, give us some grant money!
GRANT-GIVER: How much?
WNEP: $5,000.00?
GRANT-GIVER: You guys do the Gong Show, right?
WNEP: Uh....
GRANT-GIVER: No mony for you!!

Second, the aesthetic of TGS has slowly bled into the artistic subconscious of the members of WNEP. It makes sense, really. WNEP requires that everyone audition for the shows we do. There are Company Members who have not performed in a WNEP play for a long time - some nevr have. No one has to audition for TGS; one just has to come up with some happy horseshit, put together a costume and get some laughs.

My problem is that the very things that make it fun and easy for us to perform these crappy little acts are also the very things that lowers the inherent quality of better, moe intense work. The Haiku Revue is a perfect example: we charged $25.00 for folks to come and enjoy an evening of WNEP Theater entertainment and fundraising. We expect that the entertainment part will be representative of the quality of work they can see in a typical production and entice the audience to bid high bids in effort to help us produce those typical shows. What we gave them was a mishmash of some very well put together pieces (mostly by people outside of our company) and some acts that were obviously not thought out, not rehearsed, sloppy, and definitely not anything any one of us would pay $25.00 to see. When members of our Artistic Staff perform in last minute, thrown together acts at our one major performance benefit of the year, it is a strong indicator that the drift in our artistic integrity is becoming obvious and detrimental.

AND YOUR POINT?

Let the folks at The Playground and IO do the meaningless mind candy. Don't misunderstand - I'm not bagging meaningless, mind candy - just because it's "just playing for laughs" is not a problem for me. Hell, I'm going to be performing in "The Improv Match Game" at IO this month and working with the hosts of "Don't Spit the Water" in October. I think both shows have merit or I wouldn't involve myself at all. Neither, however, is on a WNEP stage. I'd like to keep it that way.

Learnin' Lines

OK.

I know I should've spent this week working on my lines for "The King's Proposal".

I didn't. I am now in a cram session, because we're off-book as of last Sunday and we rehearse tomorrow.

I have no excuses - I procrastinated all week.

In fact, I'm wasting valuable line-memorizing time right now as I type this.

Time to go...

WAS THAT A BID? No, Just Sweat Glistening Off His Forehead...

THE HEAT WAS ON

Well, the First Annual Haiku Revue has come and gone. The night had it's ups and downs and, at the end of the evening, WNEP walked away having made $1,700.00 for a one night event.

DOWNS

• The Heat - The Viaduct is a fine venue, the studio theater in The Viaduct is OK, but the fact that it was roughly 75 degrees outside and 90 degrees inside made it tough to enjoy the evening for everyone. Props to Jenny for getting so many Japanese fold out fans and Rebar for getting those 8X10 Auction cards - it got so warm, people were fanning themselves with both.

• Half of the Show - I will be very happy when we lose any background memory of performing "The GONG Show" for anything related to WNEP. About half the acts in the overlong program seemed thrown together at the last minute, under rehearsed, and long. I recall things like Zims and Greenfield doing a Nichols and May routine, Amy Rafa singing a lovely song, Ken Manthey reading a heartfelt story, DADA Dabo singing to a portrait of Goerge W. Bush, pieces from "Naked on the Net" and "LTBL" from benefits past. And while Peter D. was obviously working hard, he was so desperate for his pre-written jokes to work, his natural charm got left at home.

• Attendance - Not counting those from WNEP who came, we had an audience of 13. Truth be told, the most we've ever had for one of our benefits is 35. Our biggest problem in this regard is NOT marketing (although some posters and postcards might have helped). It is, and has been, as Jenny has pointed out several times, our lack of audience development skills. We do not reach out to those folks in our audiences and keep them. We do not send out 'thank you' cards. We haven't maintained and utilized a snail mailing list in years. And we never begin the process of working these benefits until about six weeks too late.

UPS

• Jenny Brennan - The evening was filled with the small but effective details that Jenny brings to everything she does. The simple but lovely decorations. The well designed and displayed silent auction signs and clip boards. The very tasty finger foods. The pre-printed drink cards. The box office set up. The very organized way of winning a bid and getting your item. Jenny is a true asset to WNEP and, while quiet and unassuming, shines brightly in everything she does.

• The Other Half of the Show - Brad Norman, DADA Dondi, Dave Lykins, and the Central Standard Jugtime Band were sharp, rehearsed, and entertaining. The Jug Band even included a version of "Turning Japanese" to accompany the theme of the evening.

• The Haiku readings - everyone who read a haiku had their own style and charm and made that portion of the event fun and cool. I especially enjoyed Sharko reading Emo, Lykins reading Yankovic, and Amanda reading Kazurinsky.

• Greg Allen - god, I love this guy.

• The Folks of WNEP - regardless of the heat and the overlong program, watching Joanna put together the cool, chinese lantern lights with Ken, Danielle working the box office, Speedy up in the booth and in the crowd, Yeater and Brennan working folks at the bar, and Amanda debating whether or not to keep the paper decorations makes me feel warm and happy. The people in this company are talented, sure. More importantly, they are simply the best people in the world.

HAIKU REVUE

HOW MANY SYLLABLES DO I USE?

Tonight is our first annual Haiku Revue. This is Jenny's replacement of the Benefit Cabaret's of the past, although it is, essentially, the same event. The difference is the haikus. We have haikus from Greg Maguire, William Macy, Rebecca Pidgeon, Weird Al Yankovic, Tim Kazurinsky, Emo Phillips, Steven Levitt, Megon McDonough, and Robert Englund (Freddy Kreuger). There'll be food and a cash bar, a "split the pot" raffle, and a series of cool silent auction items.

Since I am responsible for very little tonight (bringing house cash, the cash register, the framed haikus, and my laptop) I'm pretty calm about the whole thing. I hope there will be actual audience for the event - we've had very little money to go out and promote the event - we ut up no posters or distributed postcards (our standard mode) and have relied on listings and our own invites, so I'm interested to see how we do. My job will be to dress nicely (the first public appearance of my new Von Maur suit) and gladhand anyone not already a part of WNEP.

HOW TO 'GET OVER IT'

Traumatic experiences are like physical injuries. Sometimes the injury heals completely and you are rarely reminded of the trauma. Others don't heal completely and cause a limp that you learn to get around with but flares up when it rains. Sometimes I feel like Private Pyle from 'Full Metal Jacket' - entering as an optimistic, trusting cat only to have the harsh act of reality being forced down my throat. I can feel that trusting nature slipping away, the joy being siphoned off only to be replaced with a dull, throbbing anger.

I think it'd be better to not go in that direction (it went pretty badly for Pyle, as I recall).

To that end, I met with one of the people who, while wearing the clothing of a friend, participated in the mutinous cabal in 2003. It was good, I think. I can't say whether or not the three hour talk accomplished a whole lot but I did feel better for having done it. I do genuinely believe it's time to 'get over it' and perhaps by re-opening the experience with him, I had opportunity to re-break the bone and set it properly. Who knows?

TWO IMPROV SHOWS - IN A ROW!

Let me make it clear - I don't hate improvisation. I have improvised on my trumpet (professionally) and improvised onstage (professionally). I have taught and continue to teach improvisational theater. I improvise almost every day of my life (in the broader sense of the word). I don't hate improv.

I do hate what improvisation has become.

Understand that my standards for what makes a good improv show are unfairly high. My Grandma's a Fat Whore in Jersey, Postmortem, Defending Your Life - these are shows that were A) entirely improvised, B) blisteringly intelligent, C) funny, D) critically acclaimed, and E) so good that people had a hard time believing they were not written down somewhere. It is important to note that I directed these three shows, if only to provide full disclosure. Not a fair standard for your average improv show.

Your average improv show is comprised of a bunch of lazy artists, getting up onstage, and fucking around in order to get laughs from their audience of friends. At a certain point, technique only matters to the practitioners in the audience, which for most improv shows, aside from the long-lived ComedySportz, makes up most of them. Whether or not there are denials or heightening of stakes or listening skills present is irrelevent if the show is cliche, rote, and DULL.

The slightly above average improv show has great improvisers, often veterens of an institution, who are so skilled and work hard enough that it is easier to forget that the substance of their performance is utterly lacking. These shows shows can be summed up as funny people saying and doing funny things. The shows themselves have nothing to say, no merit beyond the obvious skill of the performers, a couple of delicious pieces of bread with no meat in the sandwich.

There are very few stand out, genuinely above average improv shows out there. With that in mind, I have seen two of these highly unusual excellent improv shows in the past month.

SIRENS Paso Doble was excellent in that the women of Sirens are all very good improvisers who, in spite of the lack of a specific theme or point to make, in spite of the standard practice of scenic montage, manage to actually have something to say about what it is to be human. The scenes they perform are almost always funny - these are some very funny ladies, mind you. The difference between a Sirens show and a "regular" improv show is the substance of the scenes. These ladies have something to say beyond "look at how funny we are" and it shows.

The Monday Show is my second example of dignified, high quality improvisation. Conceived to emulate the style of play used by The Compass Players in 1955, these folks take their time and create patient, honest, and funny scenes. I saw this show last night - the theme of last night's show was "Truth/Deception" and I saw a scene about a couple on Christmas exposing their lies to each other by the gifts they gave each other, a scene about a surprise birthday party where the birthday boy unwittingly dishes on his co-workers as they wait in their hiding places, a scene about a man so fearful of the medical profession that he tailors his examination to reflect the societal norm, and more. Smart, themed scenes. Excellent ensemble work. And an accompanying guitarist who was thoughtful and rather brilliant in both his underscoring and his song that closes the show.

I may hate what improv has become in general, but these shows give me hope.

Ah...The Weekend

Here's an update on the goings on:

THE KING'S REHEARSAL PROCESS

So far, so good. I think Michael (writer/director) is facing a quandry - the writing is very joke oriented and that lends itself to playing everything with a sort Nathan Lane-like schtick delivery but Michael seems to want a more sincere and realistic approach to the material. The role of the King is written as a cookie-cutter, Scrooge McDuck meets Prince Humperdink from "The Princess Bride" but I'm working it into a Hannibal Lecter character - it's an interesting challenge but I'm having fun playing around with it.

The cast is beginning to explore the characters and relationships more and it's starting to pay off. Right now, there's still a lot of "the louder I am, the funnier it is" syndrome which I find shrill and unfunny; lots of shrieked over reactions and violent shifts of mood tend to indicate that the actor isn't confident in the material.

Due to my previous schedule, I'm not going back to rehearse until next Saturday, so I have a week to get my lines down. More next week, eh?

PAUL RUDD IS FANTASTIC!

Jen & I went to see "The 40 Year Old Virgin" last nght and it was a blast! I laughed pretty much from start to finish. Steve Carrell was more than up to the challenge of carrying a movie and was both ridiculously funny and charming as well. The supporting cast (including Katherine Keener) were equally fun, truthful and funny. Paul Rudd has become one of the funniest "real actor" additions to these ensemble casts. He was genuinely funny and likeable in "Anchorman" (a genuinely unfunny and unlikeable movie) and is just funny as shit in "Virgin". With the looks of a Steve Guttenburg little brother and some "real" acting chops (see "The Shape of Things" is you disbelieve), Rudd consistently rocks in everything he does.

I really dug this film and it will be an addition to the DVD collection (if for no other reason than I have to make it up to Rebar for "Starsky and Hutch").

HAIKU REVUE



A coupla days away and I'm looking forward to it. Ken's coming over to hang and then go to take pictures; I'll be bringing the video camera as well. Everything seems to be in place and under control. Cool.

FRANKIE SAYS RELAX

Both Rebar and Jen confirmed the sentiments in my last post. This theater thing needs to be fun and filled with the joy of creation, not the tension created by the relentless pursuit of making more money. The lesson that seemed to evade me both during and after our occupation of 3209 is that when you create a beast that eats beyond your means, it is better to kill the beast than keep trying to feed it. A theater is a money and time eating machine - if you allow that to go out of control, the reason for the theater is lost in the scramble for "bigger and more".

Part of my personal mania in this was the pressure I felt to "prove" that, in spite of the troubles we've had in the past two years, WNEP was an important voice in Chicago theater. That I was an able leader of my own company. With time, I realize that WNEP is an important voice in American theater and that I'm very, very good at what I do.

I'll still push the company, but the ends I'm looking for is now simply to create and produce meaningful theater. I want every production to sparkle with professionalism on every level and to that end, we won't put up a show until we're ready to - everyone knows the hard work that is involved in putting up a show; they're only willing to do that work if the show has inspired them to do so.

In the meantime, I'm going to find a part time job in a bookstore of video store. Why? Because I like bookstores and video stores. I like the environment. Low pressure. I figure that if I can land a simpler job, and Jen can find a part time gig and quit her Full Line job (which she fucking hates) we can make ends meet and have the time to work on our lifelong vocation as well.

THE PURSUIT OF MORE

I had an interesting lunch yesterday. Goeffrey Plitt, an actor/improviser in town, wanted to meet with me to talk about his plans to start his own theater producing company. He seems to be on-the-ball and focused. One of his (many) concerns was that his company not become overloaded and impersonal like IO, Second City, or even the Playground. As we talked about how maintaining the quality of shows in an environment of 'make more money any way you can' it occurred to me that the push for WNEP to become a moneymaker maybe the wrong approach.

I reminded Plitt of a valuable piece of advice that Mick Napier gave me when I had a similar lunch with him back in 1992. "Remember that a theater isn't a building, it's people." he told me.

I'm beginning to think that the events that have been disappointing for WNEP in the past two years have more to do with failed/missed opportunities to "make it big" or at least bigger. Renting 3209 changed our focus from simply doing shows that meant something to us to creating shows on an insane level, regardless of whether the shows said anything at all - feeding the beast became more important than enjoying the experience.

The past two years have been, critically speaking, the best in WNEP's history - successful presentations of highly acclaimed shows in NYC, a showcase of "DYL" at the Chicago Improv Festival, two Reader Critic's Choices (the first two in our history, btw), the first show in our history that Jen or I were almost completely uninvolved in (NOTN) that did very well critically and broke even financially.

Jenny recently quoted from Richard Christiansen's book "A Theatre of Our Own" in her blog Not Your Average Drama Queen
. Here it is again:

"In Chicago, the way to become big is to start small. You pay your dues; you learn your craft; you have your hits and your flops; you persevere. And sometimes, if you're good enough and smart enough and lucky enough, the audience find you and supports your work, and you outgrow your small status and move on to greater challenges".

I think WNEP is good enough and smart enough. It's the luck part that evades us sometimes. I'm not sure you force or manufacture that. I'm begiining to think that the flame up under my ass needs to be cooled off some; that in order to remember that "a theater is not about the money or the glory, but about the people and the shows," I need to relax about it some.

Thanks, Geoffrey, for a healthy dose of perspective.

Thoughts

THE KING'S PROPOSAL

First rehearsal last night. It was fun, the cast is funny, Michael seems confident and enthusiastic. I love working with Sarah B. (SM for this show as well as SM for "God"). I get to play a big asshole (yeah - I know, typecasting...). Looking forward to tonight.

HMMM

Every job, every task, is an exchange. You do a job and receive compensation. The key is to make sure the part of you that you give away to get the job done (time. effort, talent) is commensurate with the compensation (money, satisfaction, obligation). Keeping these in balance is essential. - from "What I Learned in My 39th Year"

The follow up to that is 'how long do you hold on once it becomes apparent that the exchange doesn't balance out in your favor?'

In my last blog entry, I mentioned the 2003 Ousting From the Venue as a reminder that I tend to bristle at the notion of folks within WNEP trashing me behind my back. This entry brought forth a voice from the past, who decided to defend his bad behavior at the time. It thoroughly depressed me, dredging up that whole scene. One comment he made was that " I felt you were better off thinking you beat the system and wriggled free of a bad situation..." Which, of course, indicates that in spite of the evidence to the contrary, he thinks I did something wrong in the situation. It got me thinking - how many people inside of WNEP think I "got away with something?"

Perhaps I'm just being paranoid. Perhaps not. I don't know. I would hope that anyone in WNEP that has serious doubts about my honesty or ability would hit the bricks - I really hate the politics and I get weary of feeling that I have to fight for a company I've spent 13 years of my life working on.

One part of me wants WNEP to grow and thrive - to capture that lightning in a bottle and grow to institution size. The other part of me misses the fun of simply not worrying about all the grants, and potential salaries, and affiliations, and just doing shows for the simple joy of doing shows. We had that before we had 3209 - although, as I recall, we also had troubles then, too. Nostalgia is crap, mostly. Maybe the microcosm of being in a theater group is destined to be riddled with drama.

MORE HAIKUS

With all that said, it still blows my mind how good the company is when the pistons are firing. The haikus just keep coming in, Ron K has a fun evening of entertainment planned, and, with the exception of having no clue who is coming to this thing, the event seems poised for success.

Body Worlds and Other Things

OK. I'm awake now.

BODY WORLDS

"Body Worlds" was pretty remarkable. Comprised of actual human "plastinates" (a process that renders the exact physical structures of the body, down to the capillaries, in plastic), the exhibit shows a unique and sometimes artistic view of the machine that is the human body. Highlights for me were the entire circulatory system (when rendered it looks like a red ghost figure and is actually quite beautiful), the "winged" man (where the muscles of all parts are flayed out from the skeleton and gives him a winged appearance), and the fact that there was a LOT of cock and balls on display (which just always strikes me as funny).

Thanks to Rebar for organizing the over nighter (although I won't be staying up all night for much of anything in the near future).

THE KING'S PROPOSAL

I'm curious at this point - our first rehearsal is tonight. I've read the script and, in general, it ain't my style. Goofy, schticky, slapschticky. I've decided that it'll be a good experience ONLY if I commit myself fully to the thing and so I will. I realized before I accepted the offer that, with the SKALD being the sole exception, I haven't performed onstage since LOSERS BRACKET, which was a freakin' year ago. Gonna make the most of the opportunity.

LABOR DAY GRILLIN'

It was a nice day, in spite of my bitterness at having a couple of folks verbally popping me in the nose. Bob Fisher came, enjoyed the food, got into some heated discussions about gun control and cock fighting. Love that guy. Peter DeGiglio swung by and did the most godawful, long winded impression of Bill Cosby - Pitts brought the room down after by commenting that "FEMA got there before the end of that joke." Yeater got Rebar high (which she desperately needed - she's had a tough weekend...), Amy and Brendan (the in-laws) brought Rudden over and he played with everybody - watching Stinton with that baby is freakin' adorable.

Lund brought over the Steven Levitt haiku - it's a hoot! Speaking of haikus, the HAIKU REVUE seems to be going well. At this point, Jenny is just putting the bits and pieces together for the event. We're not going to get a lot of pre-event press because of the copious Katrina Benefits, which is fair.

WHY SO PISSY?

It occurrs to me that I get criticized all the time and it ordinarily rolls right off. I think the reason I let the Sunday picking get to me was the comment that "I've talked to at least ten people that feel this way - some of them former members of WNEP." Well, I had a pretty harrowing experience in the Fall of 2003 whereby folks I had considered close friends (almost my entire wedding party!) colluded against me. I suppose that kind of comment gets up my ass a bit. I know that folks are gonna dish behind my back, but knowing it and knowing it are two different things, you know?

Interesting Day

Today, I was informed by separate members of WNEP that I A) exert my own opinions about the direction of the theater company too strongly and that that prevents people from speaking their own minds (apparently this opinion comes from both current and former members of WNEP), that B) I need to respect the opinions of folks who "don't communicate like me" whether or not those opinions are, indeed, communicated at all (see A), and that C) I'm mostly "a lot of big talk".

A) If you have a passionate opinion, speak up. If you don't speak up, I really don't care what your opinion is. B) see A. C) So? I get excited about the opportunities and like to share. Kind of a smack in the face, don't you think?

In spite of the fact that I find these comments insulting and out of line, I will shut up. Or least endeavor to do so.

_________________

I also accepted a role in a play being produced by Chemically Imbalanced Comedy - "The King's Proposal or the Marriage of Princess Guido" by Michael Govier. I haven't read the script yet but I'm playing the King. Should be fun.

_________________

This morning (3AM) Jen, Rebecca and I are going to the Body Worlds exhibit at the Science and Industry Museum. I'm a bit sleepy (grilled all day, napped about an hour) but I'm looking forward to it.

UPDATE ON BODY WORLDS

...tired...it was pretty cool...crowded...old...[yawn]...breakfast after...man, am I pooped...

On My Mind

HURRICANE KATRINA'S A BIG FUCKER!

How is it that, in the world's fattest and richest country, we can watch American citizens be discarded for dead with such abandon?

I understand that GWB and his cronies undercut the dough necessary to properly prepare for this disaster. I also understand that nothing could have prevented it in the short term -- the ownership of the global warming trends that caused a monster this size out of the bottle belongs to everyone from the Eisenhower Administration to the Texas woman with the giant beehive who insists on using that mega-can of Helene Curtis Finesse Maximum. What burns up my insides is the fact that after four fucking days the assistance has been so incredibly insufficient. Christ!

NOTE: Anyone who votes Republican after this past year deserves to be smashed in the fucking face until the bones become jelly. Republicans have controlled both Houses of Congress and had the Presidency three times in the past century - Hoover and the Great Depression, Eisenhower and the proliferation of both McCarthyism and the Cold War, and now. Jesus, please us.

I DON'T HAVE A SOLUTION, BUT I WON'T DO THAT!

In the ongoing debate about getting WNEP up to a good cruising speed, the inevitable "I don't wanna do THAT" attitude begins to pop up. My favorite response to the call for discussion sounds sort of like, "I don't have an opinion one way or the other. But I think the ideas presented here so far are stupid, so I'm going to do...whatever!" It's an interesting place for any arts group when the individual members begin to realize that this is, as Dave Gaudet calls non-profit theater, a business designed to lose money. The bloom is off the lilly and folks begin staring the fact that the theater is hungry all the time dead in the face.

The attempt is to always - ALWAYS - try to figure out how to feed the beast while keeping a roof over your head. Kind of like owning a pet elephant.