I Believe...

...that if you're really in such a fucking rush, maybe you should've left the house a bit sooner - your overwhelming desire for me to feel compassion for your desperate need to "get there" is met with the realization that you ain't rushing your wife to the hospital to squeeze out your infant, so chill out, you rude fuck.

...that the host of "nip slip" photos taken of B-list celebrities leads me to conclude that about 90% of these "accidental exposures" are not accidents at all. If you don't like people to take pictures of your visible jugs, wear a shirt. If you do want to get some quick, dirty press coverage, stop bitching about the paparazzi.

...that if a $4.00 gallon of gas is freaking you out, how about taking a walk? Everything is walking distance if you don't have a ride...

...that acting like a martyr doesn't make you one and whining about being picked on doesn't mean you are being slighted. Sort of like elevating verbal abuse to the same status as physical assault - if you think being called names is the same as being battered, you've never been punched in the side of the head and to equate the two is an insult to those who have.

...that the best free massage in the City is at Water Tower Place in the Sharper Image store - just sit down in one of those massage chairs, kick off your shoes and R-E-L-A-X.

Mike Hucks Up

Wow...



Dear Mr. Huckabee,

Can I call you Mike? I'll call you Mike.

Mike...what the fuck are you thinking? In a political landscape that includes the constant hammering away at us about the imminent threat of terrorist reprisal, the deafening roar of the Corporate Harbinger of Doom, the Neo-Con punditry that tells us that any one of our neighbors could be carrying the means of our personal destruction, do you really think this is appropriate? More importantly, do you really think this is funny?

Sir, in spite of the fact that you are anti-gay, anti-abortion and anti-science, I hold you in no disregard. You seem to be a decent guy, lost a lot of weight, play the guitar. But with the election of Barack Obama at least a hope in my heart, the slight fear that I have that he will be assassinated (because he's black, has Hussein as a middle name, is Democrat and anti-war) makes me want to take that microphone and beat you until you beg for mercy.

You see, I'm a bit of a conspiracy theorist and I don't believe for one second that JFK, RFK and Martin Luther King, Jr. were randomly killed by lone nutjobs - I believe that there is something darker and more organized than that at work. After watching our current administration lie, cheat, destroy civil liberties and invade another country for the oil, I am not so comfortable with a ranking politician making assassination jokes about a major candidate, let alone the first serious black contender to the Presidency.

So, the next time you hear a thump backstage and you feel some bits a comin' - why not stop and think "Gee. I was going to make an unfunny joke at the expense of a major candidate and realizing that I'm not Bill Maher or Jon Stewart, will instead decide to stick to what I'm good at and say something innocuously folksy and remember to keep my fucking stupid off of everyone here."

Sincerely,

An Angry White Guy in Chicago

REVIEW: SKETCHBOOK Program B

High Tech Meets Live Theater - and It Works!

Collaboraction Sketchbook - Program B
at Steppenwolf Merle Reskin Garage Theatre
May 15 - June 15

I have to admit that the use of a lot of high tech gadgets incorporated in live theater always makes me a little suspicious. And when the folks over at Collaboaction do it, I'm doubly suspicious because my experiences with their annual Sketchbooks has left me with the distinct impression that they often favor The Scene (aka The Party Vibe) over the Theater. In the last two years, however, there seems to be a shift to create a more balanced event. The pieces last year were heads above stuff I'd seen in previous years (and perhaps the pieces in past Sketchbooks were fine but the booming Rave Culture Setup overpowered anything that was performed) - maybe it's the fact that they are at Steppenwolf.

This year, the balance is good and the high tech thing compliments rather than is the evening.

When you enter the cool little Steppenwolf garage space for the eighth annual Sketchbook, you are awash with what seems to be one hundred rear projected images of colors and words and a soundscape of ambient noises mixed with music. There are a number of plasma screen TVs and the staging area is surrounded on all sides by giant muslin rectangles with even more projected images on them. This year, they have incorporated a program called SUBMIT, in which the public is encouraged to send them stories via the interwebs and cell phones that are used to fill the transitions between the actual sketches featured that are performed by a quintet of actor/dancer/musicians.

The seating surrounds the floor level staging area on all four sides. I kind of dug last year's "move around the space and sit where you like" configuration a lot; I like this better. I'm a sucker for "in the round" staging.

My suspicions deepen when things start - Artistic Director Anthony Mosely comes out to welcome us and the ambient music doesn't fade so we can hear him and I start to worry that, as in Sketchbooks past, the tech is going to overwhelm the human. The quintet comes out and does a dancy -bell choir thing and it all feels a bit precious and a bit like the beginning of a hip "up With People" concert. Welcome to Sketchbook.

And then we have the plays.

Chicago Summer

A man and a woman on bikes have a "meet cute" moment. As always Lauren Sharpe is charming and the use of actual bikes (with the rear tires lifted onto custom dollies and pushed around by the older versions of the bikers) is a nice way to accommodate the piece to the space. It's a cute piece and a slightly fluffy intro to the evening's works. Nothing grand, but nothing wrong with some skittles before you chow down on some more substantive fare.

Yellow

Jose Rivera has written an Idea Piece with Yellow, and a perfect one for a Sketchbook series - a white suburban couple who have tied a yellow ribbon around the oak tree in their yard to show their support of Our Troops are visited by a black Army private who interprets the ribbon as an invitation into their home. All three principle actors ( Amy J. Carle, David Roche and Shaun Conway) are great and believable and the quirkiness introduced in the opening gives way to a dark, menacing tension midway through. A genuinely solid little slice of political theater meets the Twilight Zone.

R UNHO ME TE DDY

There's no question of the commitment of the actors to fully realize this piece about (I think) a wheelchair bound British kid who guns down the friend responsible for his physical condition, but both Danny Bernardo's lapsing accent work and the non-stop poetry in the script makes it almost incomprehensible. In all fairness, Dominic Green gives a solid turn as Ronnie, but the overall confusion of movement and language ended up being a lot of energy to accomplish little in the way of story or impact.

Hackneyed

Greg Allen's meta-theatrical dance utilizing two actors and four stage directions (a blackout, a scream, a gunshot, and a thud) is a fun and funny kick. Both John Wilson and Nancy Friedrich are absolutely adorable and Jen Ellison's staging (yes - my wife directed it) allows this to be the first piece of the evening to play to all four sides of the audience. It's a fast, thoughtful and really fun piece and the actors' chemistry is apparent.

Pie

I loved this sketch - a simple setup (longtime husband and wife eating pie in a diner relive why they love each other in an effort to keep her from leaving him) and the seemingly but not actual husband and wife casting of Morgan and Jack McCabe feels authentic and sweet.  It is a credit to both actors that I automatically assumed they, in fact, were married but Morgan corrected this in the comments - DH  The couple run the gambit of emotions (from disgust to boredom to romance to waining sexual desire to obligation to despair) that accompany a long marriage in the very short ten minutes they have and do it effortlessly. Mara Casey's script is strong and genuine and bittersweet.

Dated: A Cautionary Tale for Facebook Users

I loved this. I really loved this. Jurgen Hooper is a guy who has been dumped by his girlfriend on Facebook and this internet-driven monologue (complete with him videotaping himself and a slideshow surrounding the audience of the specific slights on Facebook, MySpace and LiveJournal) is filled with laughs and anger and captures the helpless rage of being discarded by another perfectly. Hooper is excellent, achieving some really nice nuances in what could have been simply a very funny standup routine. This is the one piece of the Sketchbook Program B that marries the environment to the plays and it was an absolute highlight.

Cowboy Birthday Party

I was suspicious of the premise of this final piece - it sounds a bit SNL to me - a group of cowboys throw a surprise birthday party for their oldest and most respected cowpoke. The fact that it was written by Emily Schwartz relaxed that feeling a bit. As it was, this was a real crowd-pleaser and the actors had a tremendous amount of fun with it. Still a little bit SNL-esque, at least it was like a really good SNL sketch and the birthday present they get him is worth the wait.

Overall, this program was the most complete and entertaining of the Sketchbooks I've seen and my suspicions were ultimately unfounded - the high tech nature of the Event never overwhelmed the Work and was completely integrated into the night. The quintet got better and a few of the transitions were like nice little mini-sketches, complete in their own right as pieces of theater telling little stories.

My only regret is that none of the pieces kicked me in the ass. With all the energy in the production and the amount of work that went into each piece, nothing made me sit up and think "Fucking A! Wow!" and I want to be affected like that. It seemed that there was a cursory attempt to deal with one Big Issue (the war) but only in the most sparse way. With the exception of Yellow, none of the pieces had a sense of importance - even in the SUBMIT questions, amidst the questions about your greatest fear and love at first sight is only one question about anything larger than ourselves. I wish it wasn't thirty bucks to see it, but somebody has to pay for all those gadgets and if you're looking to see some good, solid theater without a tremendous amount of intellectual heft sandwiched in between some dazzling special effects, you can't go wrong at Sketchbook.

The Busy Season Begins

Biting Off More Than I Can Chew

Ah, Summer! I remember when I was a kid and summer seemed to last for years! Now, it's just like a long weekend.

With the beginning of summer, I have typically overbooked myself with theatrical endeavor.

On top of the many events and responsibilities I have to public radio (including the WWDTM 10th Anniversary party, weekly shows, pledge drives, and prepping the production of the 10-month performance series), I have a ton of stuff I'm doing that starts now and gives me no break until Christmas.

RAW

Only two more of these. Light responsibility and I'm missing the third one because I'll be the featured storyteller for The Windy City Story Slam on May 27th.

SKALD NINE

Probably my favorite WNEP event of the year. 36 storytellers in three separate events compete for money and glory telling stories - all kinds of stories. Auditions are next week and I couldn't be more jazzed.

Metaluna and the Amazing Science of the Mind Revue

The 12 1/2 anniversary remount of my buddy Joe Janes' vaudeville/Marx Brothers/DADA play. Reprising the role of Mayor Armitage Shanks (named after a Scottish urinal). We start rehearsals this weekend. The show goes up at A Red Orchid Theater July 17 through August 17. It's a real humdinger and I wish John Clancy could get his ass to Chi-town to check it out. I think he'd dig it.

Patient #1

Kevin Fox is directing me in Donald Freed's socio-political play that takes place in a mental institution and sole patient is a babbling, incoherent post-presidency George W. Bush. Gotta be in October (that's the rights agreement) and end before the November election. Sweet. Did I mention it was directed by Kevin Fox?

Soiree DADA: Schmückt der Hollen

The DADAs take on the Savior's Birthday downtown. Gonna be a BIG cast and Paul Rekk is likely to be my assistant director. Nothing says Christmas like a bunch of faux-German and French neo-dadaists in clown white destroying meaning and ideology.
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On top of all that, there is A LOT of exciting theater going on in town. On my short list of *must see* shows in the coming weeks are:

Collaboraction's Sketchbook
Our Town
The Last Days of Judas Iscariot
As Told by the Vivian Girls
Greensboro: A Requiem
Henry IV
Gas for Less

Plus Joe and I are doing some "I Believes..." for the final Schadenfreude Rent Party on May 24. And there's the Summer of Blockbuster Eye Candy: Indiana Jones, The Incredible Hulk, Hellboy II, WALL•E.

And, of course, the 2008 Presidential Election.

Rock -n- Roll.

Friday Roundup: No Undergarments? No Prom!

This Is Some High Quality Journalism



Yup. Went through that correspondence course in journalism and you get to do hard hitting news items like the kid who dressed like a pro or a Hilton who couldn't into prom. Sweet Jebus.
____________________
4500 Times

A Media Matters review found that since January 1, 2002, the analysts named in Barstow’s article — many identified as having ties to the defense industry — collectively appeared or were quoted as experts more than 4,500 times on ABC, ABC News Now, CBS, CBS Radio Network, NBC, CNN, CNN Headline News, Fox News, MSNBC, CNBC, and NPR in segments covering the Iraq war both before and after the invasion, as well as numerous other national security or government policy issues.

____________________
You Gotta Be Kidding Me, Yeah?

Perhaps I'm not the most fashionable cat - my jeans, t-shirt, short-sleeve dress shirt untucked, sneakers and ballcap look is a classic but not in a high-fashion sort of way - but is HorseFace actually serious with this freakin' hat?

I can't decide if I'm appalled by the cockatoo plumage on top or relieved that it distracts from her face...whatever the case, I think Matthew Broderick is the best husband in the world because it is apparent that when SJP asked him what he thought, he choked on his blueberry scone and said "Looks great, hon!"

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Dude Even Lies About Stuff That Doesn't Matter?!

Yeah - tell me another one, Georgie:

In an interview with Politico’s Mike Allen, President Bush claimed he gave up golf after UN envoy Sergio Vieira de Mello was killed in Iraq. “I remember when de Mello, who was at the U.N., got killed in Baghdad…I was playing golf — I think I was in central Texas — and they pulled me off the golf course and I said, it’s just not worth it anymore to do,” Bush said. De Mello was killed on Aug. 19, 2003. The Washington Post’s Dan Froomkin reports today: “Bush’s story doesn’t hold water“:

[T]he Associated Press reported on Oct. 13, 2003, that he’d spent a “cool, breezy Columbus Day” playing “a round of golf with three long-time buddies.

Hey 24% - if the cat can't tell the truth about fucking GOLFING, what makes you think this cat isn't just a pathological lying sack of nutless weasel shit? Hail to the Chief, my ass...
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TOC Needs Someone Bridging the Underwriting Department to the Editorial Staff

Did you see the latest hard copy of Time Out Chicago? In the sweepstakes thing in the front (page 10), you can win tickets to "this simply smashing show that celebrates the sights and sounds of the era that made England swing!" that Chris Piatt calls (on page 100) "...a steaming teacup full of ammonia..."

A RAW Evening

This Is Why It's Fun

With all the recent sturm and drang over new theatrical business models and elitism and civility in peer reviews, every now and again it's nice to be reminded of why we do this obsessive compulsive thing in the first place.

Tuesday night. I get home from work. I have 150 programs for the evening's festivities (the house only holds 35 at the Peter Jones Gallery, so I have programs for all three Tuesdays...) and Jen is doing the last minute scramble to get food and wine and bowls and plasticware and a printed running order - you know the drill.

This showcase is very important to her - she wants it to be top shelf for the actors, writers and directors. There is a sense of urgency in the apartment as she runs around and the weather has become overcast. It's been since the last DADA show (in September) that we've had to open something WNEP and Jen tends to put a lot of pressure on herself when we do.

We gather up the stuff (a cart filled with wine and serving trays plus two big bags stuffed with cheeses, crackers, grapes, and utensils) and make our way to PJG. It's only about two blocks from our apartment, so it's no sweat. We load the goodies in the space and Henri calls me - did I burn him a backup CD of the sound effects? Nope. Back home. Neither of us has had any dinner, so I run to the bank and swing by Subway. Then to CVS to get a couple of RedBulls and a six-pack of Old Style for Dennis and Taylor for their scene (yes - I let them really drink and really smoke cigarettes in the scene). I run into Bob Fisher on my way out of the CVS and we cruise on over.

Actors start showing up around 7PM. Dave Goss is there to do box office; Brownlee comes up to bar tend for the night. Mary Jo is squirreling around here and there, as excited as she can be. Henri is confirming light cues and sound cues for the individual scenes. We didn't take reservations - we wanted a more relaxed vibe - so we have no idea how many people will come to watch - but we have 15 actors and writers and directors here, so it's a party either way. Joe Janes comes by with two additional cases of vino and a bottle of sake for Jen.

We sell out. Every seat is taken by a paying customer and Patrick Brennan begins the evening. There is a question in the minds of a few that wonder if some of those recently critiqued on this blog have decided to come and bash the proceedings on their blogs as retaliation - not the case, but the image is funny. Brennan is just about the most charming cat I know, and he works his magic on the crowd. Patrick introduces each piece by explaining the inspiration behind the scene. The two pieces I directed were inspired by a mix CD of songs from 1985 (Sandwich, IL) and a small bag with a picture, a trinket and a phrase (Indeterminacy). Others were inspired by an overheard conversation in London, postcards from Post Secret and so on. Knowing where the inspiration came from for each scene is a very cool piece of info for an audience in this context - at one point, PB jokes that he hasn't mentioned much about the directors and then quickly adds that it doesn't matter - tonight is about the writers. He gets some applause on this line.

The ten pieces go up pretty much hitch-free. I think my favorites (besides the ones I directed, of course) were Dave Stinton's Gesundheit and Jen's Capgrass but I really enjoyed all of them. Dastmalchian's Eavesdropping and Brownlee's All Night Diner (featuring a knife-wielding Gabe Garza) and Cholley's True Love are all phenomenal. In fact, the pieces are so well-written and well performed that the evening seems to fly by.

After all is said and done, we convene to the gallery and have wine and cheese and hummus and veggies and enjoy the praise and ball-rubbing to be had. I commence to cleaning things up because I want Jen and Mary Jo to enjoy the party. We get out of there at about 12:30AM.

Raw was exactly the kind of theater event that makes it fun for me. Cheap tix ($5!), 90-95 minutes of some genuinely smart, funny, creepy, and well-written, directed and acted pieces of theater, followed by free food and booze. I'm pretty certain Jen was thrilled with how it all came off and I'm looking forward to next Tuesday.

Swing on by.

I Believe...

...that the fact that most of the country at this point views Bush's presidency a failure is about 8 fucking years too late - the damage has been done and we will have to pay for their mistake for longer than most of us will be alive. And for the 24% of the country still stubborn enough to publicly vocalize your faith in the man, go smoke some more crack and ride your purple unicorn to Dipshitopia.

...that there is a difference between a "friend" and a friendly acquaintance and that most of us have a lot fewer friends than we like to think. Hint: that actor that you did a show with and only really hear from is when he wants you to come see him in his latest show ain't your friend.

...that pears are superior to apples except when you juice them.

...that the only true benefit of being thin-skinned is that you recognize how painful virtually everything is and commit to thickening up. No one brags about being weak and ineffectual with a straight face and no one "owes" you their sympathy, empathy or respect - you earn it or you cry.

...that based on the (unpassed but soon to be modified and passed) City Ordinance, I'll no longer be calling myself an "Event Promoter" but a "Theatrical Liaison" or "Friendly Guy with No Affiliation to the Performing Group That Just Happens to Have a Bunch of Posters, Flyers, Postcards, and Some Advertising Money to Help Out a Non-Promoted Event."